Taking a Break

It's Sunday. I haven't ran since last Wednesday. And now, due to illness, I probably won't run for another week.

I went to the doctor today and was given a prescription for an antibiotic to treat a sinus infection and the beginnings of bronchitis. Time for a little R & R from running to my dismay.

Tonight, the house was empty. The kids had various places to go and so my husband took them hither and thither. I stayed home and watched The Count of Monte Cristo. What an incredible movie. I think it's now on my top 10 list.

It was timely and the Lord actually ministered to me as I watched the movie. "God will give me justice" was the theme of this movie. And for however we are mistreated, when we are mistreated, it is not ours to take up vengeance. That is the Lord's prerogative and His alone. I am reminded of this about the God who has saved me and am being driven to delve deeper in trusting Him in this.

When the man in the movie was unjustly treated and thrown in his prison cell, the words, "God will give me justice" were carved into the cement wall. As I sat on my couch, I remembered that about ten years ago when we bought the very couch I was sitting on, God shared a similar word with us after we had went through a very difficult ministry situation. I got up off the couch, removed the cushion to look at the label underneath. It reads, "Justice, for the rest of your life." I decided to peel off the label and keep it in a safe place. I think I will laminate it and place it in my Bible.

It's a mystery to me why I would ever have an inkling of doubt in the attributes of God when He has done so many things in my life that are tangible. Miracles that have come my way. Things that I have been able to see, touch, taste, and hold. It's like He has gone out of His way at times to bring His understanding of my predicaments/situations/circumstances before me. And still at times, in those hard places in life, I lose my mooring and get tossed into thick patches of fog, and oh, how I am reminded of my humanness, and how far I have yet to go and grow.

Sanctification is not something I can muster up myself. It is God doing a profound work of grace in the soul. A work that changes the very interior of the heart. It is left up to Him. I must only come to the place where I understand that, believe that, and then submit to His methods of bringing it to fruition in my life. The fog may be the necessary means. Because when I see myself in the fog, I see my hopelessness to save myself. I can only cling to Christ to be rescued. To be rescued from a heart that would avenge itself rather than show mercy and love and leave room for God's justice to unfold.

I am thankful to be sick, to be in this present fog, and to take a break. Running days are not far off. I'll be back in a couple weeks running strong and carefree once again. And I'll get a grip on my moorings soon enough too, leading my soul in deeper trust, deeper rest in the God who will grant me "justice, for the rest of my life."

Running Grace

After 4 days of not running, I managed to get in 4 miles today. It's late now and so this entry will be short and sweet.

I am having a much better week. And today was a good run. I don't feel so weighted down with the things that had me heavy last week. I am relieved. As I ran I just had a sense of the grace of God upon me. Even despite a bilateral, double-wammy side ache, one on each side, I managed to keep running without stopping. I worked on some regular deep and smooth breathing exercises and slowed down my pace until the side aches dissipated. They finally did and I was able to have a good strong finish.

Just the way I want it to be spiritually - a good strong finish! And for that, I'll depend on that "running grace" to keep a comin'!

Running, A Fight, and A Promise

I haven't run two consecutive days in a row in a while. But I just knew my day tomorrow will be full and I thought I'd try to get in a run today, even if I ran yesterday. I managed to run 4 miles. It was good weather, but a bit windy. At one point the wind was coming at me so strong, I couldn't hear anything but blowing wind in my ears - strong and loud. I pushed my way through it though it seemed I was making little forward motion or progress.

It appears that I am in a similar spiritual state. I'm pressing on and feel as if I'm just running in place. There's a lot of wind coming at me. It's a fight and well, I'm a bit tired. But I got to keep running and that is why I went running in the physical today. I'm in one of those funks that everyone experiences every now and then. And I know, it will pass.

The key is to be able to keep running, keep fighting without becoming plain ol' worn out. And that is where the promise comes in. I have been given a promise by the Lord that He will see me through, always. It always comes back to the need for endurance. And you don't feel the need for it until you're running up rugged uphill terrain or swimming in merky upstream white peaked waters or treading for hours in the deep unknown blue seas. It's in the midst of these things that you find yourself spent. But you know you must tarry. You must carry on. You must endure.

Today when I ran, the Lord reminded my of His promise to help me endure. My memory took me to the start of my first and only (so far) first half marathon. I stood there among the throngs of people, fellow runners, thousands of them. And as I stood there to wait for the starting signal, a woman pressed her way through the crowd and stood right in front of me. I could not see her face, only her back. And what a beautiful sight was before my eyes - it was the very verse the Lord gave me to cling to for months as I trained for the race. 1 Corinthians 9:24 was written on the back of her t-shirt. "Run in such a way as to win" was printed out in big bold black letters. There, at that sacred place, the Lord passed by me and promised to help me endure. Not just in the physical race, but more importantly, in the spiritual race.

It is in the running fight that those times of pure depletion can come so quick, so hard, without mercy, and you just wonder if you're gonna make it. Then His Spirit comes and fans the dimly lit wick with His promise to help you endure. And by faith, you hold Him to His Word.

So on I run. On I'll fight through the funk. And you can be sure, I'm hanging onto His precious promise!

Running Towards Sanctification

The beginning of the week greeted me with another sore throat. I wasn't all to surprised. The kids have been taking their turns with a sore throat/fever virus. Today, Thursday May 11, my throat was better, not 100%, but I decided to run 3 miles on the treadmill. It was rainy, cold and windy outside.

My run on the treadmill was actually a great run. For whatever reason, I ran at a faster pace than I normally do. It was encouraging to have run so well when I wasn't feeling totally better.

I didn't think about much during my run. Maybe felt a little numb if anything. I was relieved not to have repeated the run I had this past Sunday.

My day was pretty full. I did not get to blog til late. If fact, the clock is past midnight and it is now Friday.

But before I blogged I read the most beautiful hymn off of one of my favorite blogsites. It was timely and much needed. How I want this to flow in my life blood, pumping from the new heart I've been given by Christ Jesus. Here is just one verse:

I dare not choose my lot;
I would not, if I might,
Choose Thou for me, my God,
So I shall walk aright.

Another line says this, "Choose Thou my cares for me" and another, "Take Thou my cup, and it with joy or sorrow fill..."

Sometimes, just when I think I got the submission to the Sovereign down, things get a bit rough and I realize how far I fall short of God's ideal of a sanctified life.

To read the whole thing, go to Kingsmeadow.com and link onto the Grant blog.

Running Tears

Today I ran 4 and had a much needed good cry. Sometimes that's just where it comes out. Not surprising though. Running is, as I have found over the past 25 years, a true sanctuary for me.

I hope this week I can get in more running than last week. I only totaled 8 miles. I hope to do better this week. I shouldn't be as busy. At least I hope not.

An Ordinary Runner

I heard of a story about a man who trained for the longest time to qualify for the Boston marathon. He finally qualified and ran in the race that just took place just a couple weeks ago. During the race he recorded his experience. Apparently the day of the race he began having stomach problems. His stomach issues were quite serious causing much suffering throughout the race. But because of his determination he would not quit. He had set out to accomplish his goal and nothing short of death would stop him.

Some people would say he was a foolish man. Some would not understand his drive or determination and think he had to be out of his mind. But despite what others thought or would think, he wanted to be a winner. He wasn't a great runner. He wasn't even going to place in his age group. He was just an ordinary runner who wanted to run in the Boston marathon. It was just something he wanted to do. No one else was making him do this.

I've heard that those who have heard his experience either cringe at the suffering the man endured or they are just laughing so hard in utter disbelief that he kept going the distance.

After he crossed the finish line much later than he anticipated, he fell to the ground and began to sob. He wept and wept and wept. It is all on the recording.
They say he was just an ordinary runner. I say he was an extraordinary runner.

Today when I went on my 4 mile run outside (in dry weather I might add), I thought about this "ordinary" runner. And thought about the kindred spirit I share with him - the love of running, the desire to be a winner according to your own standard, the determination not to give in or give up, the emotional release of accomplishing something you thought was beyond your reach, the pure joy it brings, even in the suffering and you do suffer when you train for a marathon and even a half for that matter. Sometimes I suffer all the way through a 4 or 5 miler. But you keep going. No one tells you to do this. You aren't doing this for anyone. You aren't fast. Not ever going to win in the "big time" or even in the "little time." But your just the ordinary runner, who puts on those running shoes and sets out to get another run in. That's me. Just another ordinary runner. Someday, maybe my experience will be extraordinary to someone else.